Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

All relationships exist on a spectrum from healthy to abusive, with unhealthy somewhere in the middle.

Healthy relationships are based on equality and respect. In a healthy relationship, you make decisions together and can openly discuss whatever you’re dealing with, like relationship problems and sexual choices. You enjoy spending time together, but you can be happy apart.

A healthy relationship means both you and your partner are:

• Communicating
• Respectful
• Trusting
• Honest
• Equal
• Enjoying personal time away from each other
• Making mutual choices
• Economic/financial partners

Unhealthy relationships are based on attempts to control the other person. In an unhealthy relationship, one person tries to make most of the decisions. They may pressure you about sex or refuse to see how their actions hurt you. In an unhealthy relationship, you may feel like you should only spend time with your partner.

You may be in an unhealthy relationship if your partner is:

• Not communicating
• Disrespectful
• Not trusting
• Dishonest
• Trying to take control
• Getting upset when you want to spend time with other people
• Pressuring you to participate in sexual activities
• Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol

Abusive relationships are based on an imbalance of power and control. In an abusive relationship, one person is making all the decisions—about sexual choices, friend groups, boundaries, even what’s true and what’s not. You spend all your time together and feel like you can’t talk to other people, especially about what’s really happening in your relationship.

Abuse is occurring in your relationship if your partner is:

• Communicating in a hurtful or threatening way
• Intimidating you or making you afraid by using looks, actions, or gestures
• Using any form of physical violence or threatening physical violence
• Pressuring or forcing you to participate in unwanted or nonconsensual sexual activity
• Putting you down, humiliating you, or making you feel crazy
• Constantly accusing you of cheating when it’s untrue
• Controlling what you do, where you go, and who you see
• Minimizing or denying their actions, or blaming you for the abuse
• Isolating you from others
• Using your children to threaten you or control you
• Using money or finances to control you

If you or someone you know is experiencing signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship, visit our Find Help page to find support near you. Know that the abuse is not your fault, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

“The Relationship Spectrum” originally created by love is respect. Learn more at loveisrespect.org