How Abuse Impacts Victims

Domestic violence

Victims of domestic violence often have very complex feelings about their situation and the person who abused them. In many abusive relationships, there are also good times and happy memories. This can lead survivors to still feel love for the abuser despite the abuse they are experiencing. It can be really confusing and tough to figure out how to leave the relationship because of this. Many survivors want the abuse to stop, not the relationship to end.

There is also a very real fear of more abuse, stalking, and/or death if a victim decides to leave the relationship. In fact, a victim’s risk of getting killed greatly increases when they are in the process of leaving or have just left an abusive relationship. (Contact a domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy center for assistance and safety planning around leaving an abusive relationship.) An abuser may also use threats, intimidation, and financial abuse to prevent a victim from leaving the relationship.

When all these factors come together, it makes “just leaving” an abusive relationship easier said than done. As a result, many victims of domestic violence experience:

• Fear for their safety and the safety of their children or pets
• Confusion over the changes in their abusive partner’s behavior
• Feeling like they’re crazy because the abuser minimizes or denies the abuse
• Feeling trapped or powerless
• Difficulty trusting others
• Complex feelings for the abuser
• Feeling isolated or alone
• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Depression, sadness, or feelings of hopelessness
• Feeling overwhelmed or indecisive

Sexual violence

The majority of sexual violence is committed by someone known to the victim. It can be anyone from a brief acquaintance to a spouse or partner. Sexual violence is never the victim’s fault, but because the victim often knows the abuser, they may feel somehow responsible for the violence. This can cause confusion and other emotions, such as guilt, shame, or fear of retaliation from the abuser if they speak up about the violence. As a result, victims of sexual violence are less likely to report the crime to law enforcement.

After experiencing sexual violence, a victim may go through a wide range of reactions and emotions. There is no one pattern or order of responses, but many victims of sexual violence experience:

• Denial or shock
• Anger
• Guilt, shame, self-blame, or feeling like they somehow caused the abuse
• Depression
• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Dissociation or flashbacks
• Dislike of sex
• Promiscuity or hyper-sexuality
• Fear for their safety
• Numbness or social withdrawal
• Difficulty with intimacy
• Difficulty trusting themselves or others
• Impaired memory
• Nightmares or insomnia
• Eating problems or disorders
• Thoughts of suicide or self-harm