Victims of domestic violence often experience complex and conflicting emotions about both their situation and the person who abused them. In many abusive relationships, there are also good times and happy memories. Despite being hurt, survivor might still care about or love the person who abused them, and these confusing feelings can make it hard to leave the relationship. Many survivors want the abuse to stop, not the relationship to end.
Leaving an abusive relationship can also be dangerous. Many victims are afraid they could face more abuse, stalking, or even be killed if they try to leave. In fact, a victim’s risk of getting killed greatly increases when they are in the process of leaving or have just left an abusive relationship. (Contact a domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy center for assistance and safety planning around leaving an abusive relationship.) An abuser may also use threats, intimidation, or financial abuse to keep a victim in the relationship.
When all these factors come together, it makes “just leaving” an abusive relationship easier said than done. As a result, many victims of domestic violence experience:
Most sexual violence is committed by someone known to the victim. This could be a casual acquaintance, a friend, a family member, or a current or former partner. And while sexual violence is never the victim’s fault, knowing the abuser can make a survivor feel responsible for the violence in some way. This can cause confusion and and feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of retaliation from the abuser if they speak up about the violence. And because of these emotions and risks, many victims of sexual violence choose not to report the crime to law enforcement.
After experiencing sexual violence, a victim may go through a wide range of reactions and emotions. There is no one pattern or order of responses, but many victims of sexual violence experience:
Find ways you can support a loved one who has experienced abuse.
Understand what healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships look like.
Learn about power, control, and the different forms of domestic violence.
Thousands of North Dakotans experience domestic and sexual violence each year. But together, we can change that. By giving to NDDSVC, you’re helping us prevent future violence and providing life-saving resources to North Dakota communities.
If you are in an unsafe or abusive situation, there are 18 domestic violence/sexual assault (DV/SA) victim advocacy centers across North Dakota that can help you navigate your options and stay safe. Each center is staffed with professionals who can help you with safety planning, finding shelter, obtaining a protection order, and more.
NDDSVC does not provide direct services to victims and survivors.
Contact a DV/SA advocacy center near you if you are looking for support. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.