How Abuse Impacts Victims

Domestic violence

Victims of domestic violence often experience complex and conflicting emotions about both their situation and the person who abused them. In many abusive relationships, there are also good times and happy memories. Despite being hurt, survivor might still care about or love the person who abused them, and these confusing feelings can make it hard to leave the relationship. Many survivors want the abuse to stop, not the relationship to end.

Leaving an abusive relationship can also be dangerous. Many victims are afraid they could face more abuse, stalking, or even be killed if they try to leave. In fact, a victim’s risk of getting killed greatly increases when they are in the process of leaving or have just left an abusive relationship. (Contact a domestic violence/sexual assault advocacy center for assistance and safety planning around leaving an abusive relationship.) An abuser may also use threats, intimidation, or financial abuse to keep a victim in the relationship.

When all these factors come together, it makes “just leaving” an abusive relationship easier said than done. As a result, many victims of domestic violence experience:

• Fear for their safety and the safety of their children or pets
• Confusion over the changes in their abusive partner’s behavior
• Feeling like they’re crazy because the abuser minimizes or denies the abuse
• Feeling trapped or powerless
• Difficulty trusting others
• Complex feelings for the abuser
• Feeling isolated or alone
• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Depression, sadness, or hopelessness
• Feeling overwhelmed or indecisive

Sexual violence

Most sexual violence is committed by someone known to the victim. This could be a casual acquaintance, a friend, a family member, or a current or former partner. And while sexual violence is never the victim’s fault, knowing the abuser can make a survivor feel responsible for the violence in some way. This can cause confusion and and feelings of guilt, shame, or fear of retaliation from the abuser if they speak up about the violence. And because of these emotions and risks, many victims of sexual violence choose not to report the crime to law enforcement.

After experiencing sexual violence, a victim may go through a wide range of reactions and emotions. There is no one pattern or order of responses, but many victims of sexual violence experience:

• Denial or shock
• Anger
• Guilt, shame, self-blame, or feeling like they somehow caused the abuse
• Depression
• Anxiety or panic attacks
• Dissociation or flashbacks
• Dislike of sex
• Promiscuity or hyper-sexuality
• Fear for their safety
• Numbness or social withdrawal
• Difficulty with intimacy
• Difficulty trusting themselves or others
• Impaired memory
• Nightmares or insomnia
• Eating problems or disorders
• Thoughts of suicide or self-harm