Dating Violence

Physical abuse occurs when your partner uses physical violence, or threats of physical violence, to maintain power and control over you. It includes behaviors such as:

• Pushing, shoving, shaking, or grabbing you
• Hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, or biting you
• Pulling your hair
• Throwing items at you, such as a phone, book, or shoe
• Strangling (often called “choking”) or restraining you by force
• Using a weapon like a gun, knife, or blunt object
• Forbidding or preventing you from eating or sleeping
• Denying you medical treatment or withholding medications
• Hurting or killing pets
• Destroying property
• Endangering you by driving recklessly
• Forcing you to use drugs or alcohol

Sexual abuse occurs when your partner controls the physical and sexual aspects of a relationship. It includes behaviors such as:

• Forcing, manipulating, pressuring, or coercing you to participate in unwanted or nonconsensual sexual activity
• Forcing you to have sex with other people, or getting others involved in your sexual activities without your consent
• Constantly accusing you of cheating or engaging in sexual activity with others
• Insulting you in sexual ways, such as calling you a “whore” or a “slut”
• Making you feel guilty, fearful, or immature for saying no to sexual activities
• Denying contraception or protection from sexually transmitted infections
• Refusing to use condoms or restricting your access to birth control
• Intentionally exposing you to sexually transmitted infections and/or the risk of pregnancy or miscarriage
• Making unwanted sexual comments about your body or appearance
• Hurting you with weapons or objects during sex

For more on sexual abuse, view our Sexual Violence page.

Emotional abuse occurs when your partner uses non-physical behaviors to control, isolate, or frighten you. Emotional abuse can be more subtle or harder to identify in a relationship, but it is just as serious as other types of abuse. Emotional abuse is often happening every day in an abusive relationship, and it can make you feel crazy, worthless, or hopeless. It includes behaviors such as:

• Verbally attacking you in private or public
• Humiliating you in front of others, or starting rumors about you
• Ignoring your feelings
• Telling you what to do or wear
• Being jealous of outside relationships or constantly accusing you of cheating
• Withholding approval or affection to punish you
• Using intimidation or causing you fear by using looks, actions, gestures, or a loud voice
• Threatening to hurt you, people you care about, or your pets
• Preventing you from seeing or communicating with your friends and family
• Isolating you by controlling what you do, who you see, talk to, text, or where you go
• Minimizing, denying, or blaming you for the abusive behaviors
• Gaslighting you, or making you question your own memory, sanity, or perception of events
• Threatening to hurt or kill you, or threatening to take their own life to control you or prevent you from ending the relationship
• Threatening to expose personal details, such as your sexual orientation or immigration status

Financial or economic abuse occurs when your partner uses money or finances to exert power and control over you. It includes behaviors such as:

• Giving you presents or paying for things with the expectation of something in return
• Preventing you from getting a job, or limiting the hours you can work
• Getting you fired, or trying to get you fired
• Preventing you from going to work by taking your car, keys, or other mode of transportation
• Giving you an “allowance” and closely monitoring how you spend money
• Taking or hiding money or possessions
• Making you ask or beg for money
• Controlling your bank accounts, banking app, or checkbook
• Running up debt or ruining your credit
• Taking out lines of credit (or credit cards) in your name without your knowledge or consent (identity theft)

Digital or technology facilitated abuse occurs when your partner uses technology like texting or social media to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate you. It includes behaviors such as:

• Telling you who you can or can’t follow or be friends with on social media
• Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails
• Using social media to track your activities
• Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records
• Constantly texting or messaging you, or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone or computer
• Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online
• Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted intimate photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages
• Sharing or posting intimate images of you without your consent (“revenge porn”)
• Stealing or pressuring you to share your account passwords
• Using online communities or communications to control, intimidate, or humiliate you
• Using any kind of technology, such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone, to monitor your activities

Stalking is a pattern of behavior directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear and/or emotional distress. It includes behaviors such as:

• Following you, watching you, or repeatedly showing up at your home, school, or workplace unannounced or uninvited
• Sending you unwanted texts, messages, letters, emails, or voicemails
• Leaving you unwanted items or gifts
• Using social media or technology to track your activities
• Planting a camera, GPS tracker, or other device on your vehicle or in your home
• Communicating with you in ways that seem obsessive or make you concerned for your safety
• Trying to initiate unwanted contact with you through third parties, such as an employer, a professor, or a loved one
• Invading your property, such as letting themselves into your home or vehicle
• Showing up at other places you frequent, such as sports practice, your gym, your grocery store, or bars or restaurants you go to
• Threatening you or a loved one in-person or online

For more information on stalking, visit our Stalking page.